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To say the last four months have been a whirlwind would be a major understatement. Life as I knew it changed forever for me on October 11th, 2015, as that was the day my baby boys, James and Jack, took their first breaths, cried their first cries and were held by me and their daddy for the very first time.

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The photo I took of myself just after my water broke and I was about to leave for the hospital. Don’t mind the mess! I was a bit scattered at the moment.

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I read my fair share of books and blogs on the topic of caring for infant twins, but nothing quite prepared me for what lied ahead. The vast array of emotions I’ve experienced (and continue to experience) are practically indescribable, but I’ll do my best. I’ll start with the most prominent one.

Love

My heart swells a hundred times a day – I’m just bursting with love for these two baby boys! Everything is different to me now: the way I view the world, babies and children in general, my life’s purpose and what’s truly important. How do two tiny little humans do this to a person? To say I feel blessed is a great understatement

James and Jack wearing lil’ Halloween onesies and candy corn hats that my mom knitted them!

James and Jack wearing lil’ Halloween onesies and candy corn hats that my mom knitted them!

Joy

It’s official. I’ve become one of those parents who now busts out the baby photos to show others, whether they ask to see them or not! Every day I fight the urge to post on Facebook half of the 25 photos I’ve taken of one or both of the babies that day. It’s a daily struggle, I tell you! The joy of being a mama has hit me like a ton of bricks and I so look forward to creating endless fun memories over the years with Jack, James and the rest of our family.

Grandma and Grandpa holding Jack and James at Christmas.

Grandma and Grandpa holding Jack and James at Christmas.

Family photo with the girls the day after Christmas!

Family photo with the girls the day after Christmas!

The Crazy – Time to Get Real

As yin and yang would have it, I’d be lying if I were to say that these last four months have been all sunshine and roses. I can honestly say that caring for infant twins has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’m physically and mentally worn out, I lose track of what day it is and (strong!) coffee and I are now BFF’s. But let me start from the beginning…

The first two weeks they slept constantly. I’ve heard this period is nicknamed “the honeymoon period,” due to the fact that most moms and dads start off thinking that caring for infants is a breeze, until suddenly by around 15 days of age something happens. Their little bellies start to have trouble digesting and the burps and the gas and their ability to get them out rule their worlds. From that point on for us, it was a rollercoaster-of-a-ride eight weeks, filled with lots of pacing of hallways while patting their backs, bouncing them in our arms and singing songs in their tiny ears… anything to soothe and make their pains go away. Feeding, burping, diaper changing, swaddling, rocking/pacing/singing, gently lying down to sleep and then repeat it all with his twin; this was life for us.

Being a mom of twins means multitasking like never before!

Being a mom of twins means multitasking like never before!

My world, my everything.

My world, my everything.

It was so much work and there was so much stress involved that Jeff and I found ourselves having a sip or two (or ten) of red wine each night to help us relax and unwind. Though we love ourselves some red wine, we had been only occasional wine drinkers up to then. But we actually soon realized the wine was doing more harm than good. Even a small amount was disrupting our sleep cycles, leaving us feeling more tired and groggy the following mornings. So we replaced the nightly wine with decaffeinated hot tea; a drink that still helps us chillax without the morning sluggishness.

We are so thankful for my mom! She comes over to help out most days of the week.

We are so thankful for my mom! She comes over to help out most days of the week. We don’t know what we would do without the help of both she and our postpartum doula.

By week 10, we were given a gift that made the crazy all seem less so: smiles! Jack was the first to do it, and then literally one day later, James decided to bare his little gums, too! It was like a little reward or way of saying “thank you” for putting so much sweat and tears in to taking such good care of them.

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By week 14, they started coo and babble and giggle, too. Their little personalities that we observed from day one were now becoming more and more pronounced.

Jack is outgoing, independent and very social. He’d rather sit and interact with a person than play with toys.

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James is a little more shy and sensitive. But then as soon as you put a toy in front of him, he lights up like a little firefly!

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We predict the following scenarios when they’re older: If James takes a toy away from Jack, without hesitation, Jack will snatch it right back. But if Jack takes a toy from James, poor little James will just sit there and cry. We’ll see if this ends up being the case!

Although I feel like a barrel full of many emotions these days, there is one more I’ll share at this time.

Fear

It’s all making sense to me now. Those feelings that have been described to me by so many other moms and dads in the past finally hit home, and I now understand what it’s like to truly feel fear for the first time.

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This isn’t a fear that comes from one moment in time, you know, the instances you can talk about while having dinner and drinks with friends. Like the locked knees and tingling toes I felt when preparing to jump off the Copper Canyon cliff into the water at Lake Havasu as a 16 year old… or the stiff spine and involuntary shrill I screamed the time I almost stepped on a big black rattle snake while hiking with Jeff in the hills near our house. No… nothing like that.

Instead, this is a fear that has now found a permanent home in my soul; granted there are times when the fear is stronger than others. The bottom line is, here are two little babies that completely 100% rely on me and the other caring adults in their lives for safety and survival. As a result, never have I ever prayed so hard… “Please God… please protect these sweet babies, these innocent lives that have just begun. Please help me to be the best mother I can be. Please keep them healthy and safe, today and everyday for the rest of their lives. Please allow them to live to be old men and experience life to the very fullest.”

But as Jeff has warned me due to his personal experiences in raising his three girls: Yes, the leash gets longer as they get older and become more independent, but that fear you feel as a parent for the safety of your children never completely goes away.

Jeff with little Jack.

Jeff with little Jack.

I suppose ultimately we have the feelings of both love and fear to thank for the survival of the human race. Most of us are here because someone felt these strong emotions that insured our care and wellbeing. So in realizing this, all I can do is be thankful and welcome these feelings of not only love but fear, too, with open arms, as they drive the mama bear in me to stay ferocious.

Little James and me.

Little James and me.

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Stay tuned for more on this wonderful adventure of ours!

Filed under: My World

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Comments

Caryl Diana

Congrats to you both. I love your husband and his “crew”. The babies are sooooo cute. May God Bless you and your whole new family. Tell Jeff to make Walters wife, it would be a hoot.

Thank you for sharing .

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Karen mack

Love these pictures they are so cute cant wait to see more to come.

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Linda Lilley

What a wonderful read. Thanks for sharing your feelings and emotions on being a new mom and of twins to boot!! I love their smiles and dimples!! I love seeing their pictures and the love on your and Jeff’s faces are priceless. All the best and God Bless.

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CANDY OLSON

Thank you so much for sharing Audrey. Your boys are growing up beautifully. You have twice the love, twice the blessing and twice the challenge. Especially with a hard working husband/father that is on the road so much. You both are an inspiration to all parents. Children are a blessing. Enjoy, cherish and nurture every stage, every phase. They all have their joys and challenges. But your strength, love and unity will happily get you through it all.
Blessings to your beautiful family and little hugs to those precious little boys.
Best Always, Candy Olson ❤

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Melanie

I love this! As a mom of 7 month old twin girls, I can relate 110%! Everyday is a new challenge/ adventure. It’s not easy, but it’s so worth it!

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Gary Brockevelt

As a new father of twin buys, (Collin and Bennett) Born 10/10/15, I totally understand what your saying! Life changing and challenging barely begins to describe it! Loved the article and good luck with teething!

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Tawnya

My daughter is my medically fragile child. I have a crazy 2 year old too! I understand all that you have written about and having people around you to support and listen is key. The boys are adorable!

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Shannon

Just the sweetest little things on this Earth! Seems you’ve figured it out- Jack looks like Daddy and James looks like you! <3 Can't wait to hear more!

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Karr Lynn King

They are so cute…. How are they with Peanut and the rest of the guys that Jeff goes on tour with…

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LEslie King

Twins are the most exhausting wonderful journey I have ever taken. Mine are about to turn 3 in a few days and when I was where you were I couldn’t see how I would possibly make it. I did. 15 months to 28 months were the hardest for me, but we are now seeing the light of day and enjoying them both so much. I ask have a more outgoing and a more reserved one and I am so thankful for that! They are breath of fresh air just when I need it the most. Ironically, I attempted to see your husbands show when I was 34 weeks pregnant with my twins. I was so uncomfortable I ended up standing out by the ticket stands the whole time ha, ha. I am sure he was fabulous. Good luck to you both, get some rest and enjoy the whirlwind.

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lona howard

the boys look so cute i have a 4month old too .how do you lose the baby fat

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Samantha

My husband & I saw Jeff a few weeks ago in Jax, FL… As new parents as well we loved to hear we werent alone in the highs and lows of baby world! (Our little girl was born Sept24)
I love that you dont sugar coat this experience bc yes, while it is the hardest thing it is so rewarding (Esp that first smile- its like “omg yes you DO love me too!). The protectiveness and paranoia is something Ive never experienced until her, it drives you insane thinking of the different scenarios that could happen but in the end, its worth feeling like a whackadoodle. Congrats & again, thanks for keeping it real on the new baby front!:)

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katie

As a mom of three year old twin boys myself, your blog sounds a lot like our first few months!!!! Really, the first year is a blur because you’re just taking care of two cute little human beings!!! Can’t wait to read more! Keep doing the great work and enjoying every minute!

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Marlene cochren

They r so cute u have a good family in joy it. Love ur shows

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Vicki Richardson

I am a Mom to seven children (insert the Duggar theme “and yes I birthed them all”) and now Nana to 16! I wouldn’t have changed a thing. We have two sons that have been deployed now 3 times each. A son whose an officer in Kansas, and our daughters are teachers, and Mothers. They are all grown up and I still worry every night. I still pray for them every night. But it’s a loving fear, one that a Mommy’s heart will never let go. They will always be your baby’s.

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Heather

Thank you so much for sharing the adorable pictures of the twins. I love seeing how the boys have changed already with all the pictures that u have shared,

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Joannie Kessler- Kemling

Loved loved all the photos! You both look so very much in love with the boys. So much joy- so much loss of sleep 🙂 Treasure every minute with each other and the boys.
Jeff I hope you make to MN in the near the Twin Cities

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Angie kolb

Congratulations on surviving the first few months. My boy/girl twins will be 11 on May 30th. For the tireless nights, we used umbrella strollers. We pushed the twins around that house racking up miles on those tiny wheels. It did wonders for our sanity when they were cranky. Much love and luck and all the happiness in the world.
-Angie K.

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Marge

Audrey,

You have such a wonderful family; beautiful boys, a wonderful loving husband and supportive parents. God has greatly blessed you , As you know, the feelings you have are real and natural. I will tell you as a Christian, fear is not from God and He wants the very best for all of you. Fear if not controlled can cause pain, sorrow and stress. Embrace each day with everyone you love and believe God for protection for each and every one. Hope this doesn’t sound too preachy but you’re a winner and the best days are yet to come. Take care of yourself and know you’re a great lady, mom and wife,

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Caitlyn

Such a beautiful family, I am 2 months behind your little men with my 2 month old little boy.these feelings are new to me too, but are all worth it, especially when you see those smiles. They ate just great melting. I can’t wait to see what joys and pains motherhood has on store for me later on. Here’s hoping you continue to find the joy in those, not so little anymore, bundles of joy. 🙂

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Mairetta

Congratulations!!! Welcome to the world little guys! I bet daddy will be teaching you to throw your voices as soon as you can talk!

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DAVID Mesnard

n’t blink the boys will be in school and married then you can be Grandmother.
Best in life when you hold your grand babies

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Lisa M

This is an awesome stage, enjoy every moment you can. Once my twin boys were mobile, the entire playing field changed. One thing that surprised me was that the boys sometimes seemed to “swap” their personalities – the boy who started out shy is now fearless and the boy who was fearless is now much more reserved. And my boys are fraternal too, so no, we didn’t mix them up. All through their toddler years, they swapped back and forth. So don’t worry too much about sweet James getting the short end of the lollipop. They’ll surprise you every time. Just wait until they really start playing and working together. My boys are 11 now – I’m here to tell you that it’s a great ride, you will survive and even thrive!

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Kathy swart

Audrey,

I too am the mother of twin boys, and yes the first 4 months were the hardest for us as well. Mine were 10 weeks early and stayed at the NICU for 6 weeks before being able to come home. Being a mother is beyond rewarding and my two sons make me proud each and everyday. From preemies who wore gauze cloths as diapers in their first few weeks to the amazing men they have become…they turn 20 next week. Thank you for sharing your story…it does get easier…enjoy each and every moment as they grow so quickly. All the best to you and your family ?

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Dianna

Audrey,

Your boys are absolutely adorable. A real blessing from God. Maybe someday you can come back to Norco High for a visit and I can meet you little men. The photos are precious, and the one with Jeff sleeping on the floor with the boys in their bouncers should be titled, “Jeff Done In.”

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Sharon Pitney

Thanks for sharing!! What adorable twins. Yu are right, life will never be the same, only better!!

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Dawnelizabeth

I have twins. They are 20 now. That seems so far away when you are looking at those 15 week old faces, but it goes so incredibly fast. Enjoy every single minute. Don’t rush to be in the next phase (sleeping through the night, walking, talking, school) because those “I wish” moments happen far sooner than you expect and for some reason, you can’t go back. It’s a great ride though and each end is a new beginning. Enjoy!

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Elle gios

My sister is a single mom of twins to, they are already 1 year, and they are a handfull.
Senne is a shy and sensitive boy whilest Brent is more adventurous and such
I recognize your story of the toys very well, it was as if you were talking about my nephews ?
Ps we are from Belgium

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Richard B swansbrough

Has Jeff ever tried to make the babies talk by using his ventriloquism?

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Corkie Reid

Bless your heart. You and Jeff definitely have your hands full, but your hearts are much fuller!! Keep up the good work. I loved all the pictures. May you continually be blessed and sometimes you just need to take a deep breath and deal with these precious little ones.

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Laura

I am the mother of identical twin girls, born 9 weeks early. They came home in 3 weeks weighing under 5 pounds. Because they were so small they ate every two hours. Like you, were it not for the help of my parents I do not know how we would have done it. These small girls turn 22 in two weeks. The years have been hectic, with incredible highs and lows, but I wouldn’t trade them for all the money in the world!

Best advice I got was from my pediatrician who was the father of twins. “Don’t let them out of the stroller. ”

Enjoy these times! They will be gone in a blink of an eye.

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Tessie ulin

I Love your boy’s they are just so cute. I love your husband I also am on a journey of weight loss. I eat LCHF more low carb not so much high fat. So far I have loss 90lbs. still going. Thank you for letting me be a part of your pages

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rhonda aGNEW

love it! I bet Jeff comes away with some great stories. cant wait to hear them.

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Roy white

I enjoyed your new mom commentary. I have to discipline myself about putting dozens of pictures of my grand children on Facebook. Quinn, our youngest, just turned 7 months. I will keep all of you in mind, also praying you find ways of getting sleep.

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Jerlaine Leclerc

Dear Audrey, you are so blessed to have those twin boys. God bless you, Jeff and the three girls as well. What a wonderful family and sure when Jeff is on the road he misses all of you. We have six wonderful granddaughters….so I know what love and caring is all about. Take care and post as many pictures as you like. Jeff is awesome. Hope to see him soon again. Much love, Jerlaine Leclerc.

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Robin Sayers

Congrats to you both on such beautiful little boys. Audrey just remember if you hear either James or Jack talking before they are ready that Jeff is most likely getting them warmed up for one of his shows. LOL. I am the mother of 3 grown children and have numerous grandchildren and the feeling of fear never really does go away, but you do learn to live with it. I hope that they grow up to be whatever they aspire to be, best wishes to both you and Jeff.

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Judy Beleck

Thank you so much Audrey for sharing your feelings about your beautiful baby boys. You are such a wonderful Mommy and don’t ever second guess yourself over that. You and Jeff have a wonderful family with the girls and now the boys. It is so wonderful to see the two of you with all the children. Love seeing Jeff perform on stage and love seeing the two of you perform with those beautiful new baby boys, Jack and James!! Keep us updated Audrey as we love following your wonderful blog!!

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Donna

Both little boys are absolutely beautiful..thanks for sharing pix❣

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Olivia

What a beautiful blog. It was heart warming to read.

I am not a parent so I know I am in no position to dispense advice, but my brother has children I adore and having observed parenthood from a distance, I have found out one thing for when I have kids – You will never get everything right, you will make mistakes along the way, but the greatest thing you can ever do is love your children completely.

Your beautiful boys are very blessed to have such love in their lives.

Good luck!

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Jen shaw

Thank you so much for sharing your blessed journey with us…..you speak so truly on the real emotions all good mothers feel for their children….Jack and James are so blessed to have such loving parents, and caregivers in their lives…..you sound and look like such a wonderful and dedicated mother…..such blessings…..keep up the great work mama.

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Ashley

I am curious as to how the girls did with te transition and how they reacted to the addition to two new siblings.

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heather

Aww look at all that precious sweetness

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Melissa

As a single mother of 5 yr old twins. I completely understand! My boy was so quite he only fussed a little bit when hungry even though he had abdominal pyloric stenosis and couldn’t keep anything down. My girl was colic and would start the screaming after just 2oz of her special colic formula. I never use to forget anything or misplace anything b4 I had them but now I’m lucky to find my car keys.

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Sue S

My boy/girl twins are now 13. Reading your post brought back so many memories of when they were little and I agree about the fear. It’s always there, but it’s part of being a parent. You just need to figure out how to best manage it. You boys are so precious. Enjoy them. They will grow up fast.

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